Nothing is impossible (3/3)

A few days before the weekend of the camp, I was really annoyed because I was going to miss an important org event. But then, I already promised I'd go to camp and I still wanted to anyhow.

I was nervous though. Really nervous. I didn't know how it would turn out. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to make new friends. And most of all, I didn't know how to deal with the awkwardness of meeting other teenagers who already sort of knew me because of my parents. Quite a number of them would always be at our house because they had meetings with my parents concerning YFC and other things. So, of course, they would see me every time I was at home. They were friendly enough though I always stuck to my room or our family room when they'd be there. So thinking about all those things made me nervous. I was glad that my parents would be there because they had to oversee everything.

On May 11, I didn't have any class to go to (amazingly, all 3 of my classes were free cut!) so I wasn't going to be late for camp anymore like I originally thought I would be. My parents and my sister, along with the some YFC members had already gone ahead to the place where camp would be. They were going to set up and prepare everything. So I had to ride with the other participants of the camp. When I got to the meeting place, I was glad since everyone was friendly. And on the way to the camp, my initial shyness went away and I was able to talk to the other participants. To my pleasant surprise, two of the girls I talked to a lot were Augustinians! That definitely helped break the ice. 

After an hour of travel or so, we finally arrived in Oasis. I have to say, this place was just lovely. It was so clean, with a lot of trees and quaint cottages. It definitely had this serene feeling to it and I felt all my troubles go away. 

Now, I'll talk about the camp itself. Of course, I won't be able to write down every single thing that happened so I'll just talk about the highlights of the camp.

The main objective of the camp was to be able to make us participants feel the passion to serve God. All throughout the camp, we had to listen to these talks which targeted certain topics.

Talk 1: God's love and His plan for us

Talk 2: Who is Jesus Christ?

Talk 3: Repentance, Forgiveness, Healing and Faith

Talk 4: Baptism and the Holy Spirit

Talk 5: Growing in the Spirit

Now, all of these talks were beautiful and inspiring. But the talk which really struck me was the 3rd one. Repentance, Forgiveness, Healing and Faith. Why? 

Because this was what I needed to hear, even if I didn't realize it at first. 

All this time ever since I started losing myself, what I didn't realize was that this was what I needed to go through. I needed to be sorry, for all the mistakes I've done which have led to regrets. I needed to forgive, not just the people who hurt me but more importantly, myself. I needed to open myself up to healing. I needed to let go completely of those things which just brought me down and ate me up inside. And lastly, the most important of all - I needed my faith back. I needed to believe in God's amazing grace again. I needed to believe, with all of my heart, that He would never let me down nor forsake me.

This talk changed me.

I remember listening to the speaker and the sharers, and just wanting to break down right there and then. One of the sharers talked about an experience so horrible that it just broke my heart. And I was actually tearing up. The amazing thing was how he was standing there, right in front of us all, and just baring his heart and soul. I know it was one of the hardest things he had to do, considering what he had gone through. And it awed me how even through that, he found it in his heart to forgive. He forgave those who had caused him such unimaginable pain. As he was speaking, it struck me how selfish I had become. There was this guy right in front of me who had forgiven even though it was difficult. Why couldn't I do the same? Why couldn't I find it in myself to let go? And in that moment, I knew that somehow, this talk was His way of speaking to me to be strong and take that step. This was what I needed. I took that step. And it changed me. It really did. 

This sense of peace and tranquility just enveloped me. And I knew that from that point thereon, things would be better like I hoped it would be.

Of course, our camp wasn't made up of just talks. The talks were divided among the 3 days of camp we had. There were so many activities in between. The games they came up with were really fun and it made us all warm up to each other in no time. 

One of my favorite parts of the camp was when we did Praisfests. You're probably not sure what I mean but that's when you sing with all your heart to God and just praise him. Back in CSA, we used to call it "Praise & Worship". In CFC and YFC, it's simply called "Praisefest". The thing is, though I stopped being an active member of YFC in the past, I still remembered all the songs. So when they were teaching the participants, it was easier for me since I knew most of the songs. 

Our first worship was really fun but then, most of the participants were still shy. I knew I was. Though I wanted to sing and dance my heart out like the other old YFC members, I felt like it wasn't my time to yet. The next two though, were amazing. We lost all our inhibitions and just lifted everything up to Him. It was liberating. Just singing your heart out and knowing it was all for Him. Every now and then, I would peek at others and the sight that greeted me was beautiful. Every single person, even all the guys, were just singing with their arms raised to God and their eyes closed. Beautiful. There were fast songs which made you feel like you were in this concert or party and just having fun dancing. Then there were slow songs so beautiful that they could make you tear up just listening to them. It was really great.

Another thing I remember about camp was how much I cried. Haha. Won't elaborate too much on this but I can tell you, everyone did. Be it guy or girl. 

Oh, during the morning of our second day there, the YFC members (original members who were our facilitators or part of the service team; technically, participants aren't members yet) started a water fight! It was fun but unfair as well because they didn't give us participants any ammo :)) They started throwing all these huge water balloons at us and we were in our jammies! They even got out pails and buckets of water and started chasing us around the field. Haha. 

So many other memorable things happened. Maybe the best one was when they "baptized" us and welcomed us as members of YFC SB2. Oh and the night that happened, we had our E-Night as well! This was the night when all the groups (they had divided us into 4 on the first day, with both old members and new) performed, basically anything that showcased talents and well, entertained everyone. It was really fun, filled with singing and dancing performances, acting and a whole load of pickup lines and jokes. We ended around 2 in the morning, haha. 

So, I guess that pretty much sums up my youth camp experience. It was an amazing weekend and it truly changed everything for me. 

Now, I feel happier. Like I took this step in the right direction and that I'm heading down the road where I know everything's better. I mean, you might think that YFC is just this group of teenagers who talk about God all day long and just pray. But believe me, it's more than that. It's actually better than that. 

In YFC, I've met some of the most amazing people ever. People you wouldn't expect to be serving Him. And what I admire the most about them is how they have this fire burning in their hearts. They truly love God and are serving by bringing other youth closer to Him. I think, if you meet them, you'd just come across this group of people who love hanging out and who are just so funny. They make up the most random jokes yet somehow, you just know that they're really there for you if you need a friend. Okay, I sound so cheesy but it's true. Haha.

Serving God isn't lame. I mean, you don't have to start preaching all the time and forcing your opinions down everyone's throats. I don't think that's serving Him. 

The real way is just to really, truly believe in Him and His love. It is wanting to pray more and do more. It is wanting to make other people see that He really is great. It is not being afraid to stand up for what you believe in. It is putting Him first and just making yourself a better person, little by little. 

You might be wondering why the title of my post is "Nothing is impossible." Well, it's because it was the theme song of our camp. And I actually believe that it applies to me. 

I went the wrong direction a number of times but in the end, He always lead me back. And I'm here now writing this post. I'll end it with one of my favorite passages in camp ☺

"With God, all things are possible." (Romans 8:28)

Nothing is impossible (2/3)

So you may be wondering how I was convinced to go and attend camp again, willingly. 

Well, in the latter part of my fourth year in high school, I remember my mom urging me to find a way to serve God again. This was around the time when I was deciding between Ateneo and UP. Naturally, my parents were leaning towards UP (especially since it was their alma mater) but then, Ateneo truly was my dream. I couldn't decide at all. I mean, they weren't forcing me to go to UP because they also held Ateneo in high regard; but it was still such a tough decision to make. I remember praying really hard for guidance. In the end, I knew my heart belonged to Ateneo. I was nervous because I didn't know how to break it to my parents, but I mustered my courage and I did. 

I had no reason to be nervous at all. 

My parents supported my decision and were happy for me. They truly were. But then, there was one thing they wanted me to do. They wanted me to serve Him again. Of course, I agreed but then I didn't know how I could. I wasn't enthusiastic about joining YFC again because then I'd have to go through camp and in my head, that was kind of awkward since I'd already done it before. Then, there was the matter of my sister already being a member. Again, I thought it would be awkward to join since my younger sister joined first. So I tried coming up with another way. That opportunity presented itself during RecWeek in Ateneo. I came across YFC (but this was university-based) so of course, it was with different people. My parents were happy when I told them I joined YFC Ateneo.

However, to be straight to the point, it didn't really work out. I wasn't active once again. I found it hard to go to activities because of all the school work. I failed God, again. And I didn't even realize it. My parents eventually realized that it wasn't working out as well.

Now though, I realize how at those times, that's when I needed to serve God the most. From a time in fourth year high school to my whole first year in college, I needed God more than ever. Why? Because I felt empty. I felt like there was this huge chunk of me that was missing. That I had no purpose whatsoever and that my life was like this blank sheet of paper. Yes, I had my family and my friends (and that's already more than other people have) but I wasn't happy. Not completely anyway. I felt like everything I used to believe in wasn't true. Love, hope and faith? I lost those things. It may not have seemed like it but those times were some of my lowest. It felt like I was just wandering aimlessly. I didn't feel strongly about anything anymore. Simply put, I lost my passion for life.

Now there was this day when I was with my mom and my friend, Zian. We were on the way home but we stopped by Army Navy for a snack. While we were there, my mom and Zian were just talking about the usual things like family, college, etc. Then they suddenly started talking about CFC and YFC. You see, Zian had been a really active member of YFC back when she was still in La Salle Zobel. She was surprised to hear that my parents were members of CFC and even more surprised that I wasn't a member of YFC. I remember my mom looking a little sad in that moment. 

And then Zian started urging me to join. She went on and on about how I really should become a member again because of this and that. The amazing thing is, I realized that I wanted to. I really wanted to. 

In that moment, I needed something to hold on to again and something to feel passionately about again and I knew that He was the answer. 

I needed my faith back. I needed to believe that everything would be okay again and that there was someone up there who would keep me strong. So I told my mom I would and that I really meant it. I remember her raising her eyebrows but then smiling hugely. I knew she'd only believe me for sure if I really did go. And I did.

Read on to the next and last part of this post! ☺

(http://dreams-and-real-things.blogspot.com/2012/05/nothing-is-impossible-33.html)

Nothing is impossible (1/3)

This is kind of a long-overdue post but I've finally found the time to write it (read: yay for the end of summer classes)!

So, I want to write about the weekend which changed a lot of things about me ☺

May 11 - 13

This was the weekend wherein I attended YFC SB2's Youth Camp.

Before I talk about my experience though, I think I better give an introduction.

Not many people may know this but my parents have long been members of CFC or Couples For Christ. To date, they have been members for 16 years! And in those years, they have always lovingly served God. To better understand, CFC is actually an international Catholic "lay ecclesial movement" (thank you Wikipedia haha) whose main goal has always been to renew and strengthen Christian family life values.

So of course, with my parents being active members of CFC, they've always instilled in me the importance of having a strong foundation of faith in God. In fact, even when my sister and I were just kids, they already made us join KFC (or better known as Kids For Christ). Needless to say, it was a very fun experience. 

When I reached my teenage years, it was time for me to leave KFC and become a member of YFC (Youth For Christ). Again, not many people know this but I became a member of YFC back when I was just around 13 or 14 years old. We were part of a different sector at that time, which was B3. I attended camp and it was a very fulfilling experience. Till now, I can still remember some of the things which happened in that camp. 

Sadly, I gradually stopped coming to other YFC activities after camp even though I told myself I'd be active. I mean, I really did try. I attended all these household meetings and also kept in touch with the other members. But then I became too busy with school and training (with the Boosters) that I simply lost time for it. My parents kept on asking me about it and even pushing me to go to various events but eventually, they stopped as well. They were disappointed, I'm sure, but they never forced me to become active again. They understood I guess, that this was something they couldn't control anymore without making me feel annoyed. But the sad thing really was the fact that the reason I was inactive was that I lost time and frankly, interest, in serving God. 

At that time, I felt I had more important things to do.

The time came when we moved to a new house (our current home) and my parents also transferred sectors. From B3, they became members of B2. And they were also asked to become heads of the youth division for B2. I know this was a huge burden for them because it meant overseeing all the projects of YFC. And c'mon, heading a huge number of teenagers can never be easy, what with all the drama we go through. But they prayed really hard and after some time, accepted. They've been youth heads for more than two years now.

The thing is, with that responsibility with them, it also brought on some pressure. Think about it, the couple in charge of YFC SB2 taking care of all these different teenagers & leading them to serve God when their own children weren't even members of YFC (technically I sort of wasn't anymore since I became completely inactive)? That was ironic. So of course, our parents started pushing us both to become members of YFC SB2. My younger sister eventually agreed and she attended camp the same year my parents became heads for the youth. And to this date, she has happily been serving Him.

Which brings me to my experience. 

Please read my next post for part 2! ☺

(http://dreams-and-real-things.blogspot.com/2012/05/nothing-is-impossible-23.html)