So you may be wondering how I was convinced to go and attend camp again, willingly.
Well, in the latter part of my fourth year in high school, I remember my mom urging me to find a way to serve God again. This was around the time when I was deciding between Ateneo and UP. Naturally, my parents were leaning towards UP (especially since it was their alma mater) but then, Ateneo truly was my dream. I couldn't decide at all. I mean, they weren't forcing me to go to UP because they also held Ateneo in high regard; but it was still such a tough decision to make. I remember praying really hard for guidance. In the end, I knew my heart belonged to Ateneo. I was nervous because I didn't know how to break it to my parents, but I mustered my courage and I did.
I had no reason to be nervous at all.
My parents supported my decision and were happy for me. They truly were. But then, there was one thing they wanted me to do. They wanted me to serve Him again. Of course, I agreed but then I didn't know how I could. I wasn't enthusiastic about joining YFC again because then I'd have to go through camp and in my head, that was kind of awkward since I'd already done it before. Then, there was the matter of my sister already being a member. Again, I thought it would be awkward to join since my younger sister joined first. So I tried coming up with another way. That opportunity presented itself during RecWeek in Ateneo. I came across YFC (but this was university-based) so of course, it was with different people. My parents were happy when I told them I joined YFC Ateneo.
However, to be straight to the point, it didn't really work out. I wasn't active once again. I found it hard to go to activities because of all the school work. I failed God, again. And I didn't even realize it. My parents eventually realized that it wasn't working out as well.
Now though, I realize how at those times, that's when I needed to serve God the most. From a time in fourth year high school to my whole first year in college, I needed God more than ever. Why? Because I felt empty. I felt like there was this huge chunk of me that was missing. That I had no purpose whatsoever and that my life was like this blank sheet of paper. Yes, I had my family and my friends (and that's already more than other people have) but I wasn't happy. Not completely anyway. I felt like everything I used to believe in wasn't true. Love, hope and faith? I lost those things. It may not have seemed like it but those times were some of my lowest. It felt like I was just wandering aimlessly. I didn't feel strongly about anything anymore. Simply put, I lost my passion for life.
Now there was this day when I was with my mom and my friend, Zian. We were on the way home but we stopped by Army Navy for a snack. While we were there, my mom and Zian were just talking about the usual things like family, college, etc. Then they suddenly started talking about CFC and YFC. You see, Zian had been a really active member of YFC back when she was still in La Salle Zobel. She was surprised to hear that my parents were members of CFC and even more surprised that I wasn't a member of YFC. I remember my mom looking a little sad in that moment.
And then Zian started urging me to join. She went on and on about how I really should become a member again because of this and that. The amazing thing is, I realized that I wanted to. I really wanted to.
In that moment, I needed something to hold on to again and something to feel passionately about again and I knew that He was the answer.
I needed my faith back. I needed to believe that everything would be okay again and that there was someone up there who would keep me strong. So I told my mom I would and that I really meant it. I remember her raising her eyebrows but then smiling hugely. I knew she'd only believe me for sure if I really did go. And I did.
Read on to the next and last part of this post! ☺
(http://dreams-and-real-things.blogspot.com/2012/05/nothing-is-impossible-33.html)
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